Yesterday Was Better - This Letter to You
by Adventuresomely
Summary: Dear brother, times have changed, but our bond has not.


Yesterday was better.

It seems like it was only yesterday, at least. We spent so much time together; played together, ate together and slept in the same bed without a single bad thought. I don't want to think about what happened during the metaphorical 'today', so I won't – I'll focus on yesterday for now, for the sake of reminiscence of all the times we spent together in our short lives.

My fondest recollection of you – not of our family; I can't think of that without crying – is the times we spent coiled up in bed. We were so innocent then, without idea of sexuality, corruption, sadness, or of the things that lurked in the dark and preyed on the innocent. We were simply innocent little kids, and for a long time we cuddled together in bed and sleep late into the morning until mom or dad would rouse us out of bed for breakfast and to help tend to the sheep.

They always smiled when they saw us cuddled up under the blankets together, sharing our warmth with one another. In the winter we always cuddled like that, desperate to keep warm in the unbearably cold conditions when our clothing would fail to provide us enough warmth. Even in the summer when the temperatures were unbearably hot; we were so used to sleeping like that. We never did stop, not even when we woke up drenched in sweat. We were inseparable, and we were so happy to have our family and each other, even if we sometimes got pouty when mom wouldn't let us do something we wanted.

…I regret those times we didn't listen to her – she can't even yell at us anymore from where she is now. I can't bear to think of that, though, so I'll cast it aside again. I'm sure you understand – you don't talk about her either, and whenever I've brought her up on the occasion, you look down and don't speak. I know you're holding back your tears, but I never say anything because I know how things go. I'm the crybaby and you're the strong one – even if I hate that title, I'll bear it for you to keep what little confidence you have from faltering.

And I remember, too, there were times we fought – but all siblings do, I think. Sometimes you would make me cry from your relentless teasing, but you always made it up with a ruffle of my hair, a gentle smile, and of course a hug. That always made me so happy in the end, and we'd forget our scuffles and go back to playing together within an hour or so of our initial confrontation. We could never stay mad at each other for long, and that was normal too. I was so grateful to have you there by my side all the time, even if we didn't always meet eye to eye – you were always there for me when I really needed it, after all.

There was a time – it seems like it was only yesterday as well – I fell out a tree and broke my arm when I landed on top of it wrong. You were the only one around to hear me cry out and you were so quick to rush to my side and see what'd happened. You were horrified by the sight of me lying on the ground crying, and I remember you panicked when you saw my arm bent in the wrong direction. You scooped me up in your arms like I was as light as a feather, and through my agony I was somewhat surprised by how easy you made it seem. We were so far from the village, but you carried me the whole way and never complained about how heavy I was, or told me to stop crying. You were crying, too, and you kept saying over and over again,

"Don't die Lucas, please don't die!"

Even with me in your arms, I think that was the fastest I've ever seen you move. When you finally reached the inn and had Tessie fix my arm up – which had caused me to scream in pain as they set the bone back into place – you kept crying and never left my side. We were just kids, so of course you were scared for my life, even if a broken bone isn't life threatening. I was scared, too – but having you there by my side made it easier to bear. Having you by my side made everything easier to bear.

After that, you tended to me day after day and did things for me until my arm had healed – and it took months to heal, too. For that while, you cast aside your teasing and playful mockery, and did what you felt was right. I felt so loved by you when you did that – even if I hadn't always said it enough. I wish I had said it more, because you really were the world to me.

When you went away, everything was so much harder to bear, and I started having nightmares. I never had nightmares when you were with me, but once you were gone, they bombarded me with images that left me shaking and crying into my pillow for the rest of the night. Images of mom – images I don't want to remember, but can't forget. If you'd been there, I think we could've both been okay. When you left, it was like half of me had been ripped away, and maybe it's egocentrical to say, but I think maybe, you'd felt the same, too. Even though you'd been turned into a killer, I want to believe maybe you felt something was missing from your life, like I did.

I repeat the same thing over and over again – I wish these things had never happened to us or our family. And while I wish we could've lived our lives in peace and grown up normally, as strange as it might be to hear me say this; I don't regret everything that happened and I don't like to question the reasons behind it. I like to believe, for just a moment, all the torture and pains we went through were for the better – even if you, my dear brother, would think the opposite.

We both grew strong, and while we went through absolute agony and something no person should ever have to, maybe it was worth it on some levels. No matter what I say, things are okay now even if we're not completely okay ourselves. I know you might never find this note, or the journal I've hidden it in, but I love you so dearly, my brother. Things aren't the same as they used to be, and I doubt that they ever will be anywhere near the same. We'll never cuddle like we used to, be so carefree, and of course we've outgrown the capability of pulling tricks on the villagers while still being seen as cute and adorable. I know deep down and so truly that things will never be the same.

And despite the fact that they will never be the same, I'll always see you as my big brother, who I look up to and cherish. We may not cuddle in bed, or sleep in, or eat breakfast with family anymore, but we're together. Oh, we're together and that in itself is a miracle of the Dark Dragon. Even if you never find this note, I hope you can forgive me for all the things I've done wrong in life and love me just the same.

Twins who share such a deep bond can't hate each other, can they? I hope not – I don't know what I'd do if you hated me.


End file.
